I can’t stand being cold, but I want to socialize safely this winter. How can I see friends outside and stay warm?

• You are not doomed to either a lonely winter indoors or a miserably cold winter outdoors. 
• First make sure you don't have a medical condition, like Raynaud's disease or hypothyroidism, which can be indicative of other illnesses and warrant their own treatment. 
• Take a page of Minnesotans' playbook by investing in the right gear to embrace the great outdoors. 
• Telling yourself you are safe, despite being uncomfortable, can also tamp down your body's natural response to the cold, which is intended to keep you out of danger. 
• Have a coronavirus quandary for Anna? Submit it anonymously here. 
• Visit Insider's homepage for more stories.

Dear Anna, 

I'm one of those people who gets cold super easily, and once I start shivering I can't focus on anything else — whether it's work in an over-air-conditioned office or a friend sitting across from me at an outdoor cafe — until I warm up. 

It's tempting to hole up at home this winter, to stay safe from coronavirus cases and cozy in the heat. But I know for my mental health it's important to get outside to exercise and socialize. Got any tips? 

— Mika, Boston 

Dear Mika,

I am so glad you asked because this is something I've been thinking about myself.

Just last weekend, I met some girlfriends on a rooftop for coffee, and after the wind picked up and sun dipped down, I had trouble contributing to or even listening to the conversation because I was so cold. (Or perhaps the pandemic has just made me more socially awkward, but that's a conversation for another column.) 

Fortunately, I was reassured by my research, and a chat with clinical psychologist Emily Anhalt, that we're not doomed to either a winter indoors alone, or a winter outdoors miserable. 

In fact, learning to deal with being cold can actually make us more resilient in other areas of our lives, said Anhalt, co-founder of Coa, which pegs itself as the world's first "gym" for mental health.

"If you run cold, it might be hard to change your physiology, but our responses to feeling cold are more within our control than we think," Anhalt, who spent four winters in Michigan like me, said.

"Unless we're so cold that we're in danger, being cold is just like any other form of discomfort, and learning to become more comfortable being uncomfortable is the heart of emotional fitness." 

It's possible you have a medical condition 

We all react to the same temperatures differently, and some of that is out of our control. For instance, body size, sex, and even where women are in their menstrual cycles can affect how cold they feel.

But in some cases, feeling cold all the time or in certain parts of the body is worth seeking medical attention for. For example, Raynaud's disease, which may affect up to 10% of Americans though most don't seek treatment, can leave cold fingers and toes discolored, numb, or tingly. Longer-term, that could lead to tissue damage.  

In rare cases, Raynaud's can be a symptom of a more serious illness, Mayo Clinic writes, like a connective tissue or arterial disease. 

It's also possible, though unusual, to be allergic to the cold, which may turn up as hives when you're exposed to cold air or jump in cold water, or as digestive distress when you swallow a cool drink.  

Finally, feeling cold all the time is also a symptom of anemia, hypothyroidism, diabetes, and anorexia, so talk to a doctor if you think any may apply to you. 

Don't underestimate the power of good cold-weather gear  

If you live in Boston, I suspect you've already invested in super warm outerwear, but the right clothing, including solid (choose polyester fleece or wool over acrylic, for instance) hats, mittens, and socks can be game-changers. I'm a fan of long underwear and even those hand warmers typically marketed toward skiers, too. 

Think about Minnesota residents, often ranked the most active in the country. They don't hide from the cold, they gear up and run to (and in) it.

Here's some added inspiration: Back in 2016, I interviewed Eve Graves, then a 50-year-old in Duluth, Minnesota, who has Raynaud's disease, chilblains (skin sores or bumps in reaction to cold air), and exercise-induced asthma.

And yet, she coaches trail running and Nordic skiing, crediting products like Warm Skin, a lotion that holds in body heat, and Lungplus, a breathing device she became a representative for that converts cold air into warmer, more humid air. She also triples up on fleece mittens, doubles up on hand and foot warmers, and wears heated socks.

"Anyone can do stuff in any conditions," Graves said, "it's just a matter of how they adapt."

Get more comfortable being uncomfortable 

Rather than switching your plans from outdoors to indoors (which seriously ups the coronavirus transmission risk) or only seeking out gatherings in enclosed, heated tents (which my colleague Hilary Brueck wrote can be nearly risky as indoor restaurants), change your mindset, Anhalt emphasized. 

As it turns out, feeling miserable while cold isn't a necessarily an unchangeable, biological trait. It's possible to feel cold and be OK with it.

She recommended talking to yourself like you would a kid complaining of cold: "It's a little chilly out here, but I'm OK, I'm safe, and I'm enjoying myself so much."

(Of course, if you are truly miserable, feel in danger, or feel forced into situations you don't enjoy, take the chance to advocate for yourself, whether that's going home or seeing if you can move to a table closer to a heat lamp.)

But if it's more a matter of coping with discomfort, telling your body it's OK can actually calm the body's natural reactions to cold (shivering, discomfort, distress), which are intended to keep us safe. "Our bodies do what they think they're supposed to do, so if we can reassure ourselves that we are just fine and don't need to change our environment immediately, the alarm systems will often quiet on their own," Anhalt said. 

The bonus is, with practice, you may not only feel more comfortable in the cold, but also more resilient to other stressors. And we all need more of that these days.

"We are often much stronger and more resilient than we think we are, so the goal is to learn to tolerate our discomfort long enough to make the best decision we can, instead of the decision that moves us away from discomfort quickly," Anhalt said.

Just like the discomfort of intense exercise or vulnerable conversations make us stronger, she added, "if we can lean into it instead of away from it, we gain access to strength, growth, and connection." 

Senior health reporter Anna Medaris Miller is here to help you make decisions about living life in the current "normal," which is anything but. Drawing on her in-depth reporting on the pandemic; connections with medical, mental health, and public health experts; and own life and common sense, she'll help you get through coronavirus quandaries big and small.  Submit your questions for Anna anonymously here. 

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