How to be a people person in four simple steps

It must be nice to be a natural ‘people person’.

You know, the type of person who glides through social interactions with ease, nailing conversations and getting on with just about anyone who crosses their path.

We tend to think that being a people person is just something you’re born with, and that the rest of us are doomed to be awkward for all eternity.

But that’s not true, says Richard Templar, the author of the global best-selling The Rules Of… series.

Richard reckons that everyone can pick up certain skills to make them more personable and friendly.

‘The key is to let people see that you like them, and it’s all about communication,’ he tells Metro.co.uk. ‘Those people you want to emulate are using unconscious behaviours to find a bond, an empathy with the people they encounter.

‘And you can use exactly the same behaviours – you just need to be conscious about making it happen.’

So, how do we get started? Richard suggests four steps to put people at ease.

Tweak your body language

‘It starts before you open your mouth,’ says Richard. ‘A warm smile, a readily-proffered handshake, regular eye-contact – these things aren’t difficult and they make a huge difference.

‘You can practise them every time you meet someone and before long they’ll become habit for you.

‘Think about how you sit and stand (avoid crossed arms and legs and holding yourself in and tend towards more open poses).

‘Watch other people who do these things naturally and observe any little mannerisms you’d like to incorporate yourself.

‘I had a friend who used to greet friends by saying their name really warmly as he opened his arms to hug them. It was irresistible.

‘You won’t want to copy everything you see like this, but you’ll spot the odd gesture that feels like you, so add it when it’s appropriate.’

Be a great listener

Actually listening when people talk is an underappreciated skill.

Richard explains: ‘Everyone wants to be heard and paid attention to, and why not?

‘Some of this is body language again – look as if you’re listening and interested. And make the right noises – “mmm”, or “really?” – or smile in encouragement if someone’s telling a story or discussing something personal to them.

‘Repeat the odd key thing back so they know you’ve taken it in.

‘And give yourself something to listen to: ask people questions about what they’re telling you or about themselves.

‘Not only does this make them feel liked and appreciated, but it also saves you having to do the talking yourself, if that’s not your thing.’

Put yourself in their shoes

‘One of the keys to being a “people person” is to understand things from other people’s perspectives,’ Richard notes.

‘Your colleague might seem to be quite unhelpful by never staying late for even a few minutes, but maybe they have a child to pick up from school, or an elderly mother who relies on her to visit daily at a certain time. These are quite obvious examples and sometimes other people’s irritating or baffling behaviour is a bit harder to understand.

‘But try to see their perspective (asking can be a good place to start) and it will give you an understanding that will help you both.’

Be a team player

People can tell when you’re only looking out for yourself. So… don’t do that.

‘Everyone likes a team player, and things run more smoothly when you all pull together,’ Richard says. ‘Whether it’s work, family or friends, you can consciously practise the behaviour that helps.

‘The key thing is to understand that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. So put the team’s goals ahead of your own personal ones.

‘Encourage other people by telling them when they’ve done well, and sharing any achievements.

‘Come on, you may be club treasurer, but without the secretary’s good work getting all the subscriptions in, you’d have nothing to do. So, say that – out loud.

‘Share your own triumphs, help others in the team where you can, and notice (out loud again) when other people do well.

‘And accept that not all of your ideas will be taken up but that’s fine – it means someone else gets to shine too.’

Richard Templar is the author of the global best-selling The Rules Of… series. The Rules Of Everything is published by Pearson, priced at £12.99, and is available from Amazon and all good book stores.

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